Unmet expectations!

I've been dreading to indulge in this conversation for a while now, but this has been so heavy on my mind lately. What do you do when your expectations are not being met in a relationship? It's so funny how everybody always tells you reduce your expectations or manage your expectations. However, what they do not tell you is that the lower the expectations you have concerning something or someone, the less of yourself you commit to that person or thing because, you simply stop believing in them. Subconsciously, you begin to give less and less of yourself because, you are trying so hard not to expect too much in return. 

 

And don't you just hate it when people are like if you are so concerned about what somebody else is giving back to you then, your motives for giving them anything is not in the right place. Now this makes perfect sense right, we shouldn't give primarily because we want to receive. However, there is something about giving and devoting your time and your resources to something or someone, and oftentimes what drives this commitment is an apparent reward. 

 

Now this reward may not even be monetary, but often the joy and happiness you feel, as a result of giving to someone who may never be able to repay you is a reward in itself. Let me explain, if I saw a beggar or a homeless person on the street and I gave them a bowl of noodles, that will be an act of generosity or better put, an act of charity. Now, this homeless person may not be able to buy me back some food, but the joy and happiness I get from this simple act of generosity will be so fulfilling to me. 

 

I think the worst part is when you communicate your expectations, and time after time they remain unmet. You want to stop talking, because you feel guilty of demanding for too much, you seem ungrateful, and you feel you are putting people under immense pressure to meet the expectations you have of them. You don't want to ever make people feel like they have to work hard to be in a relationship with you, relationships are already exhausting as is. I've been there before, where I had to constantly work hard, the more I did, the more the person did not see. I had to continuously prove my love, devotion and commitment to this person and it really got exhausting. 

 

Some people say it's hard to give to someone who cannot repay you but, I think it's even much harder to give to someone who is more than capable of giving back to you, and yet chooses not to. Much worse is holding zero expectations for such a person and still choosing to give yourself to them. It’s like catching a flight for someone who will not even take a walk for you. When do you draw the line? When does the thought of being used cross your mind? When do you become the fool?

 

As I struggle on what to do about this relationship, I remember how Christ loves us, I remember how he continues to give and give of himself, even though we give back so little in return. Choosing to love someone when it is so difficult to love them really explains how challenging it is to love unconditionally. And I think the hardest part of it all is, remaining YOU. You want to remain yourself; you do not want to love people based on how much or how hard they love you. You want to love people because you want to love them. You want to keep giving and expect nothing back. You want to hold on to the relationship but its hard. I really pray God teaches us how to deal with this.

 

Love always,

Kuku