Chapter 1 : Small but Mighty

 

From what I can remember from my childhood, two of my father’s friends, Mr. Ohioma and Mr. Onyemachi started calling me “small but mighty” and it wasn’t long until everyone eventually joined the train. I was incredibly talkative or do I say outspoken to soothe my ego a little. I was part of the debate club, excellent at recitals and even better at arguments. In my mouth, I found my greatest strength, it defended me when people tried to bully or outsmart me, it tortured those who tried to take advantage of me, and it boosted the self-image of those who were good to me. 

 

When I opened my mouth to speak, I felt the most alive, unstoppable, unrestrained and definitely insurmountable. But sometimes it felt more like a curse than a blessing, I have been called “loud”, “rude”, “impolite”, “graphic”, “dramatic”, “over-the-top”, “disrespectful” and last but not the least, a toothless bulldog since I would cower at the first glimpse of a fistfight. However, do you know the one that ruffled my feathers the most, “loud”, oh how I hated that word, I still do!

 

So, I began to observe other different character traits to model, other personalities that were better respected, more admirable and better spoken of. And I found introverts, oh how I loved their calm, reticent, reserved and quiet disposition. I wanted to be like them so bad, I tried on several occasions and if you’re reading this now, I want you to know I failed miserably. I will never forget one occasion; on that faithful day I had denounced extrovertism,  as an introvertism convert I sat quietly in class, I was so quiet, I could hear my heart pump blood throughout my body.  I sat so still and didn’t say a word for hours, as I swallowed saliva, I could sense that my breath had grown stale, but I was determined to be quiet.

 

I looked around tempted to speak at every instance, I wanted to laugh so loudly at a joke I overheard, and throw myself to the floor, but I chuckled gently, you know, like how the introverts do…

 

 I wanted to intercept an argument and state my point boldly, but for the first time I took a course in Listening 101, you see before I barely listened or rather selectively listened, I just spoke , and as much as my mouth was itching, I took time to analyze each person’s point of view, I took time to step into their shoes, and yet again, I successfully restrained myself you know, like the introverts do …

 

I wanted to make a comment about the teachers’ ugly shirt and how his armpits stank in class that morning, but yet again, I restrained myself you know, like the introverts do…

 

Surely it wasn’t easy being an introvert, did they work this hard to just remain calm and quiet? But you know “hard is good”, I said to myself. I was so convinced that I was building self-control ha-ha what a joke. And now the fun part, people started asking questions, if I got a penny each time someone came to my desk to ask me “are you alright” I would have made my first million on that fateful day. How did I know so many people, how was my absence so noticeable, did they not know I was changing, I was trying to become a better person?

 

Lol! its funny that I thought my personality was an old cloth I could just put off, not knowing it was part of my identity. To close my mouth would mean to kill myself, not literally but you see something in me died that day. I wasn’t trying to be better; I was trying to be another! Another person, another thing and I’m glad I failed, cause there’s only one thing I know best and that’s how to be me.

 

How did my personality influence my career path?

Tune in next week for yet another chapter of “Diaries of an unemployed immigrant”